Joley Suicide
by SparkELee
Summary: Lindsay was a little too close to the Suicide Girls case for comfort... DL
1. Truths

Joley Suicide

Chapter 1: Truths

Why did always get the cases that hit so close to home? The sight in front of her made her sick to her stomach. The tattoos, the piercings, the outfits… She didn't know who the girl was, but she had a good idea as to what group she belonged to.

Lindsay decided to keep her mouth shut, wait until everything was confirmed before confessing anything.

Within 3 hours, her worst fears had come true. Carenza Sanders, AKA Omen, was a Suicide Girl. Danny had found the initials on the girls' panties. She knew if she stayed on this case, she'd likely be meeting up with Missy Suicide before too long. Time to talk to Mac.

She headed towards Mac's office, knowing she had to do it now, before she chickened out. Unfortunately, she ran into Danny on the way to her boss's office.

"Where ya headed? I have these 'Suicide Girls' coming in for interrogation, I'll need your help." He told her, stopping her with his arm.

"I need to talk to Mac before I do anything else." She replied grimly. Her voice was soft but determined.

Danny's eyes probed the young CSI's face. Something wasn't right. Far from it. He'd seen her upset before, he'd even seen her mad. But this, this was an emotion he wasn't familiar with, at least with regards to Lindsay. This was resignation, regret….

He bobbed his head in agreement. "OK, well you know where to find me, that is, if you need anything. Anything at all, OK Montana?" He questioned, placing his hand on her arm to enhance the concern in his voice.

She nodded and turned to head to Mac's office.

Not even 5 minutes later, she was seated across from the man she'd come to hold in the highest regard possible. "What's the problem Lindsay?" He asked gently, settling back in his chair.

"I want to be taken off the Suicide Girls case." She told him, averting her eyes from the gaze of her boss.

"Lindsay, I would, but we're already stretched pretty thin here. I mean, we've all got cases. If you want to be removed from this case, I'm going to need a reason, and a good one at that." He replied.

She'd piqued his curiosity. She wasn't one to normally have problems when it came to cases. She was actually known for being able to handle any situation she was put in.

She sighed. She knew it was going to come to this. She reached into her back pocket, retrieving a photo she'd previously kept hidden in her wallet in a secret pocket.

She flipped it over and slid it across the desk.

He sat up, sliding towards the desk to take a look at the photo.

It was a Suicide Girl. She was staring provocatively at the camera, slightly turned away, looking over her shoulder. She had coal black hair with bright pink stripes running through it. Her clothing was tight and leather, black in color.

The girl's face was made up in wild exotic looking make up. She wore boots up to her thighs, ripped stockings presumably ran the rest of the way up underneath the micro-mini. She had piercings in her lip, both ears, and eyebrows. She had a few tattoos, not as many as the other girls, a couple tribals on each arm, one Chinese symbol on her inside wrist, an exotic scene on her right shoulder blade, and a tiger poking out from the top of her mini skirt.

Mac studied the picture, taking in the individual details. He'd not been heavily involved in the Suicide Girls case, but he knew there were only supposed to be 10 girls, including the deceased one, not 11. "I'm not sure I understand Lindsay. What is this? Who is this?" He questioned.

"Joley Suicide." She replied despondently. She kept her eyes off his and focused them on her hands, which were now playing with the cuffs of her shirt, desperately trying to keep from sitting still.

"Joley Suicide? Who is that?" He asked, never removing his eyes from the photo in his hand.

Lindsay leaned forward, pulled up her sleeve and slid her wrist across the table.

"Me."

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	2. Surprises

Joley Suicide

Chapter 2: Surprises

Mac cleared his throat. He definitely hadn't seen that one coming.

"How did this happen Lindsay?" He asked after he'd collected his thoughts.

She sighed. "I was the same age as Carenza was. I wanted out of Montana. And a friend of mine told me about this group of girls. They existed throughout the country, and they were a sisterhood of sorts, they took care of each other. I wanted to belong to that. I had brothers and friends, but the concept of 'belonging' was too exciting to ignore. So I joined the LA based Suicide Girls. I did the whole tattoos and piercings thing. I did it for 3 years. Until my mom got sick. My dad couldn't find me in time. I found out after she was already gone. So they gave me a choice. I could stay and be with my sisters, or I could go home. I chose to go home. I went back to Montana to take care of my dad and my brothers. I took out all the piercings, and I started getting the tattoos removed. I went to college. I closed the book on that part of my life." She finished.

Mac took a moment to process what she'd told him. Part of him was having a hard time believing Lindsay had actually lived the life of one of these women. But everyone has their secrets.

"I get the conflict of interest because of the group, but the information, the knowledge you have, it's invaluable." He pointed out to her.

"I know Nixon and Missy." She replied softly, knowing that once she said that she'd be removed from the case.

That was that then. He couldn't allow her to work with the Suicide Girls directly, she was personally involved. But she could still work on it indirectly. "Ok. You won't be involved with any of the girls. But you understand, your knowledge, it's too important to dismiss. Can you handle working with evidence and doing trace?" He asked.

She debated the question for a moment. As long as she didn't have to work with any of the Suicide Girls, she could deal. She nodded her head in agreement. "I think I can deal with that. Will you tell Danny?" She asked. She was uncomfortable sharing the dynamics of her issues with this case with him.

Mac raised an eyebrow. "No matter what, he's going to be curious. He's your partner on this case. I can tell him you're only doing the lab work, but Lindsay, you and I both know he's going to want an explanation. As your boss, I will respect your request for confidentiality, but he'll come to you." Mac told her.

She sighed. He was right, she knew that. There was no real way to hide her situation. "I know Mac. I'll deal with it." She replied, resignation filling her voice as she stood to leave.

"Lindsay, for what it's worth, your past, it doesn't change how we view you here at the lab. It doesn't make you any less of a CSI or a person." He said as she paused at the door.

"Thanks Mac." She responded quietly and left.

Danny was coming out of one of the interrogation rooms when Mac strode up to him.

"Hey Mac, you seen Lindsay? I haven't seen her in over an hour." He said to his boss as he fell into step next to him.

"That's what I need to talk to you about." Mac replied as he led Danny to his office.

"Lindsay's not going to be helping you with the interrogations. You can ask Flack or see if someone else is available, but she's going to be working the evidence end of this one." Mac told Danny, his hands folded on the desk.

"Guess you're not going to tell me why." Danny commented, knowing Mac wouldn't breach the privacy between employee and boss.

"You know I can't. If you want answers Danny, you need to talk to Lindsay." Mac informed him gently.

Danny nodded and headed out of the office. He didn't see her again for 3 hours. He spotted her coming out of trace, file folder in hand.

"Hey Montana!" He called, getting her attention. He was slightly taken aback at her expression. She almost looked like a deer caught in headlights. He stepped into her path, blocking her exit.

_Not this soon, he's not asking me now is he? _She was having an internal panic attack. "Yeah Danny?" She asked, struggling to keep her voice neutral.

"What's going on with you? Mac said you were off the case, but he wouldn't tell me why." Danny told her.

"Danny, I don't want to talk about this right now. We're at work." She reminded him, trying to get by him.

He wasn't having any of it. "Nope. Not this time. You ask me to back off, I do. You ask me to be professional, I do. You ask me to pretend I don't like you, I do. I do it because we have a job to do and I respect you, and I respect that you have issues and you don't want to deal with them with regards to work. But now you're taken off a case, a case we're working together and expect me to just be OK with no reason. Not this time. I can deal with this when it doesn't affect work. Now it is. And now I want to know." He told her, folding his arms in front of him, squaring his shoulders and his stance

Lindsay gulped. He wasn't one to fight her on most things. He usually went along with her and her excuses. Not this time.

"What's it gonna be Montana?" He demanded, peering over his glasses at her.

"Fine Danny, but not here. OK!? Just not here." She pleaded, her brown eyes begging him to understand that, understand her need to do this outside of work.

Against his better judgment, he relented. "OK." He agreed at last. She went to move around him and continue on her way.

He didn't let her go that easily. His hand shot out and grabbed her arm. She felt the heat and strength of his grip burning through her shirt.

"Tonight. Dinner. My place. Don't stand me up this time Lindsay. If you do, I can't guarantee what happens between us after that." He told her.

She looked up into his eyes. There wasn't even a hint of humor or teasing in his eyes. _This is it. Make the call. It's yes or no Linds._ She nodded.

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	3. Go Time

Joley Suicide

Chapter 3: Go Time

Lindsay was standing in front of Danny's building staring up at nervously. She'd been nervous since she'd got home and started getting ready to go to Danny's. She'd decided to wear jeans and a light pink cashmere sweater. She pulled her pea coat a little tighter around her and started towards the door.

She entered the elevator and took it to the 16th floor. She was slightly apprehensive, she'd never actually been in his apartment before… Being on his turf… That was unsettling to say the least. She didn't like the idea of relinquishing the little control she had left, but really, she didn't see any other choice, this wasn't exactly something she wanted to discuss at work. She came to a stop in front of his door, her hand pausing mid-knock.

_Exhale. You can and have to do this. He should know, he's been open and honest with you, he deserves the same from you._ She knew it wasn't fair to keep secrets and lie to him. She forced her hand to knock and waited for him to answer.

He appeared at the door in dark jeans and a black button down, sleeves rolled to the elbows. His blonde hair was mussed and his signature smirk was in place.

"Great timing. Food's ready. Hope you're a fan of veal parmesan." He said, holding the door open for her. She smiled and stepped in.

"Love it." She replied, mildly surprised when he offered his hand for her coat. Something about his apartment, being in his presence, served to comfort her, instead of upset her.

She followed him into his small but orderly kitchen. "You look nice." He told her, the words not sounding stiff or unnatural, they rolled off his tongue with ease, as if he'd said them a million times.

She blushed and thanked him as they sat down. They made pleasant conversation over their food, sipping wine throughout. When they were finished, he quickly cleared their plates and brought another chilled bottle of wine back to the table. "Let's go out to the balcony." He suggested, leading the way through the living room to the sliding glass doors hidden by curtains.

"What a beautiful view…." She breathed as she settled in one of two chaise lounges on his balcony. Her eyes scanned the skyline, the Hudson in the distance.

"Nice huh? It's a good place to think, good place to talk." He told her, settling in the other chair, setting the bottle of wine between them.

They were silent for several moments, sipping their wine, letting the cool breeze wash over them. He slid his blue eyes to her face, taking in her appearance. The wind whipped a few of her curls out of her face, and reddened her cheeks a bit.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you look really good on my balcony." He said with a smile.

It was exactly what she needed to hear. She burst out laughing. "That… Wow… I don't think I've ever been told that before!" She stumbled out, holding her stomach as she giggled.

He smiled, secretly very proud that she'd laughed. He'd wanted her to, he wanted her to feel safe, comfortable, like she could talk to him. Her laughter died down after a moment and their silence resumed, only a bit more comfortable this time.

"So talk to me Montana. Tell me what's up." He said as he topped off her glass and his own.

She thought for a moment, tried to keep her calm, maintain her breathing. "I told Mac I couldn't be on the case anymore because…. I… I was one of those girls. I was a Suicide Girl." She stuttered out, wincing at the delivery of her confession.

Danny processed what she'd told him. "I gotta say… I don't see it… Those girls are pierced and tattooed, you're not-" He started but a slender wrist was thrust in his face. A slender wrist with a tattoo on it. He took hold of it, running his fingers over the small Chinese symbol he'd never seen before.

"This is the last one. It's scheduled to come off in a month. The rest I got removed in Montana. I have the scars to prove it. As for the piercings, I had the standard body and facial piercings, but it was such a long time ago… They've healed. Granted, I didn't have nearly as many as the other girls, but I was on my way…" She explained.

"What happened?" He asked, still holding her wrist, now tracing abstract patterns on it. She had to admit, it did have something of a calming effect on her.

"I left when I was 18 and went to LA and joined the group. I wasn't there long, a couple years maybe, and my mom died. I hadn't been there long enough to shun my family and my sense of obligation. So I left, went home. Except, they were embarrassed of me, of what I had become. So I took out loans, maxed out credit cards and got them removed. I pulled out the piercings and stayed out of public places until I looked like "myself" again." She told him.

"So until you didn't embarrass your family anymore?" He clarified.

She nodded. "Basically. I cleaned up, went to college, got interested in science, in crime, and ended up here." She finished.

He calculated time in his head. "Lindsay, you could have had this tattoo removed 4 times over by now. It's small, probably not that much to remove…." He trailed off.

"It was my first one… I got it before I ever became a Suicide Girl. I loved it. It was a sign of my independence, my freedom, and I guess it's been hard to let that go…" She admitted after a moment, taking a sip of wine.

He thought about that. "You don't have to get it removed ya know… I hear that's pretty painful." He told her, sliding her hand into his as he spoke.

"You heard right. It's not a walk in the park. But…. It needs to come off, it's time. I could see keeping it if it had real sentimental value to it, but it doesn't, it's… it's just a constant reminder of a past I keep trying to forget." She explained, not removing her hand from his grasp.

"Fair enough." He agreed, taking a gulp, swilling it in his mouth.

"So you're off the case." He said, not posing it as a question, knowing that would be the situation.

"Sort of. I'm not going to be interviewing any of them, seeing as I know Nixon and Missy Suicide. But Mac said as long as I'm comfortable, I can process. My knowledge is too 'valuable' not to be considered." She responded, relaying Mac's information from before.

"Well, he's right. I'm glad you're still on the case Montana." He told her, squeezing her hand.

They sat in companionable silence for awhile longer before Lindsay got a case of the yawns. "That time Montana?" He asked, a smirk firmly in place.

She rolled her eyes but nodded her agreement. He plucked her wine glass from her with one hand and pulled her up with the other. He moved his hand from her hand to her waist and held up her wine glass in the other, surveying the amount she'd drank. He glanced at his watch. He turned to her, her face not far from his own. His blue eyes met her brown ones. "Breathe." He instructed, sticking his nose near her mouth.

She laughed at this. "Just do it Montana." He insisted. She laughed again and exhaled. He sniffed.

"Danny, I took a cab." She laughed, realizing he was checking to see if she was too drunk to drive.

"I know. I'll take any excuse to touch you." He confessed, her laughter dying in her throat almost instantly.

Her eyes traveled up to his face and met his. _Oh, I'm in trouble…I knew looking at him was a bad idea…_She gulped, visibly, she was sure. Her mouth and lips went dry and she flicked her tongue out to wet them, before swallowing hard, again.

"Stop it." He muttered, not releasing her from his grasp. Right now, every muscle in his body was screaming at him to _DO SOMETHING._ But his mind was hauling him back, telling him he couldn't do this to her… Not yet. Not right now.

"Stop what?" She asked, not entirely sure as to what he was referring to.

"Stop licking your lips, looking at me like that…. Just stop being so damn appealing." He told her, the hand on her waist was splayed across her side, gripping her close to him.

She bit her lip in attempt to keep herself from smiling. "That. Stop that RIGHT NOW." He insisted, reacting to her ability to make facial reactions so hot.

She laughed a little, feeling a bit bolder. "Or….What?" She asked, bringing her hand up to rest on his arm.

"Or some things are going to happen… And honestly, I'm still not sure what all those things are, but they're gonna happen… And I'm not gonna stop them. I'll enjoy every last minute of it, if you don't stop right now." He warned her, feeling his body start to react to her close proximity.

"Hmmm." Was all she said as she maintained her hold on his arm.

_Please, c'mon… Can't I…Can't I kiss her or something…?_ He begged his mind. Nope. He shook his head slightly, released her from his hold, save for her hand. Without a word, he dragged her, by the hand, off the balcony, through the apartment and to the front door.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you stay here, I'll lose control…. And I just can't do that… Not to you and not right now. Good night Montana." And with all the control and courage he could muster, he shut the door, leaving a bewildered and slightly amused Lindsay standing on the other side.

"Jesus Christ." He said, loudly, as soon as he shut the door.

At his words, she broke into a smile. "G'night Messer!!" She called through the door, knowing a red faced Danny was on the other side, leaving her sorry she couldn't see it.

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	4. Taking a Chance

I don't own these people.

I do own the plot.

Don't steal my plot.

I know where you hang out.

Joley Suicide

Chapter 4: Taking a Chance

Danny heaved a sigh of frustration/relief as he moved away from the door. There had been no doubt in his mind that he'd wanted her to stay… But, despite his reputation, he wasn't a total asshole. She'd opened up to him and he respected that and left their visit at strictly platonic… This time.

As he moved through his apartment picking up remnants of the evening, he turned the night's course of events over in his head. He hadn't expected such a revelation out of her, given their recent issues… But he was beginning to understand what was going on in her head and that, to him, was a start.

Lindsay felt relief course through her body as she made her way back to her apartment. That is, relief tinged with something else… Disappointment maybe? _Why didn't he kiss me? Why did he make me leave? Am I that hard to resist…?_ Deep down inside, she hoped she was that hard to resist. The very thought of it brought a smile to her face. Today, with the help of Danny, she'd lowered one of her walls.

As the week went by, the walls around Lindsay slowly seemed to come down. Danny was still a bit unsure of how to proceed in light of the new developments. She'd very clearly told him to back off in the past. But now, she seemed to be allowing him closer, closer than he'd thought she would. So close, in fact, he was debating the concept of asking her out again.

He was turning that very idea over in his head on Friday morning. He was definitely ready for the weekened, and definitely ready to close out the Suicide Girls case. With a little luck and a solid hit with Lindsay's evidence, they could close it this afternoon.

4 hours later, Danny got his wish. They got Al, the wronged "almost boyfriend" and Danny had just said his goodbyes to the lovely women of the group. He glanced at his watch. "Done by 3. That's just beautiful." He muttered, a smile plastered on his face. He turned on his heel, heading off in the direction of his and Lindsay's office, hoping to find her there so he could move forward with the whole 'asking her out' concept.

Lindsay wasn't there. Lindsay was emerging from the bathroom connected to the hall where the Suicide Girls were exiting. Up until this point, Lindsay had flown under the radar, staying far away from the actual girls, holing up in the lab or in trace as much as possible. And now, all it took was one misplaced trip to the bathroom and she was face to face with two of her old sisters.

At first, neither girl recognized her and Lindsay prayed to God above to keep it that way. God, however, apparently had different plans. She'd gotten barely three steps past them and heard it… The name.

"Well well well... Joley Suicide… All cleaned up and legit now. You're a regular workin' girl now, eh?" Nixon observed, her tone laced with sarcasm.

Lindsay steeled herself against the words as the others girls whispered amongst themselves.

"This is the girl that quit?" One hissed.

"She's the one who ran home to mommy??" Another questioned.

Lindsay felt her resolve crumbling, each nasty comment puncturing a hole in her armor.

"She wasn't ever really one of us to begin with. She didn't have it in her… Nothin' more than a wannabe." Nixon said, her voice decidedly cold.

"Turn around… Show us your scars. We know you got em'. Sweet little thing like you, you didn't keep the tats." Nixon continued, goading her.

Lindsay refused to turn but she also couldn't seem to propel herself forward either. _Move… LINDSAY MONROE MOVE NOW!!!_ Finally her neurons started firing and she hurried off, eyes blurred with tears of anger, sadness and regret.

She kept her pace all the up until she smacked into Stella. The older woman grabbed Lindsay by the shoulders to steady her.

Stella gazed down at the younger woman, immediately concerned with the expression marring her features.

"Linds, what's wrong?" She asked, drawing the younger detective into the corner.

Lindsay looked up into the eyes of the Greek woman. "Can… can you just get Mac?" She asked, unwilling to share more at the moment. Without a word, Stella nodded and ran off to find him, alarmed at Lindsay's sudden turn in emotions.

Danny saw Stella race by his office and into Mac's just down the hall. He came closer to the glass wall, blatantly staring at the two in his office. Seconds after Stella entered, both of them exited and headed in the direction Stella had come from.

As he strode by Danny, Mac's eyes briefly met the younger man's and Danny felt a wave of uneasiness wash over him. Something wasn't right.

Danny made his way back to his desk, unable to shake the unsettled feeling. Something was definitely wrong. He wasn't sure what it was, but it didn't help when Stella came back through minutes later, this time headed to the locker room. A moment after that, she came out, carrying Lindsay's belongings.

_It's Montana… I knew something wasn't right…_ His first instinct was to run after Stella, find Lindsay and fix whatever was wrong. But he restrained himself. Going after her now would be a bad idea. The walls that he'd patiently waited out, the walls that were slowly starting to come down, would fly right back up. As much as it pained him, he needed to wait. Give her a little space.

He spent the rest of the day trying to force himself to concentrate on work, but his mind kept traveling back to Lindsay.

He was worried. _I can't lose her again… Not when I've just gotten a foot hold._

He'd been watching the clock like a hawk for the past several hours, now just waiting to see it click over to 5.

Finally, at 4:43, he called it a day. He quickly filed away what he'd been working on, dropping a sizable stack of completed work into Mac's inbox, hoping the man would see just how busy he'd been. Mac nodded approvingly at the work, not speaking only because he was on the phone.

Danny took off to the locker room, grabbing his coat and messenger bag before heading off to collect his SUV.

He sat in the garage, debating his route home. One would invariably lead him past Lindsay's apartment. The other took him straight home. The latter was much safer than the former, the former was going out on a limb, to say the least. And he wasn't exactly crazy about limbs and going out on them.

_All I can do is try._ He reasoned with himself as he made the left out of the garage, headed towards Lindsay's apartment.

Twenty five minutes later, he was rocking on the balls of his feet, his mind once again locked in a heated debate. He was here, practically on the woman's front stoop, all he had to do was push a button and she'd answer. That's all.

_Push the damn button. It's just a button. It's just Lindsay… Only, there's nothing "just" about her._

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up slightly in the process. He reached out blindly with the other hand, pushing the button that would alert her to his presence.

"Hello?" Her voice came over a moment later.

"It's me."

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	5. Relief

Once again… These people… They aren't mine.

Joley Suicide

Chapter 5: Relief

For a moment, she froze. _Danny… I can't… I don't… Not right now…Why?_ Her inner voice was frantic with questions.

Truthfully, seeing him right now was the last thing she wanted to do. But, on some level, she knew she NEEDED to see him. Maybe she needed to see him because she knew that he needed to see her. And maybe, that was enough for her at that moment.

Danny heard nothing on the other end. He didn't say anything either. She was making a choice, deciding whether to let him in or to keep him out, both literally and figuratively. And that decision, that choice, wasn't his to make, so, as difficult as it was, he simply kept his mouth shut, praying she'd cut him some slack.

A moment later, he heard a buzz and she clicked off the intercom. He breathed a sigh of relief and sent a small 'thank you' prayer to the heavens and hurried up to her apartment.

Lindsay flipped the lock and returned to her place on the couch. She didn't even glance in the mirror as she passed it in the hallway. Her looks were the last thing on her mind at that point.

He came through the door a moment later. He quickly and quietly shut and locked the door behind him. He shrugged out of his leather jacket and found her in the living room, flopped on the couch, her feet propped on the coffee table.

She was dressed in baggy sweats that had been cut off at her calves and a baggy t-shirt that read 'U of M' across the front of it. Her hair was pulled up and her face was scrubbed clean of makeup.

He ran his eyes over her… She looked young like this, like she was still in college, naïve to the big bad world. For a moment, he wished she was, it was less painful back then.

He took a seat across from her, giving her as much physical space as he could put between them, wanting her to feel safe, not crowded or pressured.

He sat back in the chair, his hands braced on his knees, studying her expression carefully. Her eyes were hollow and vacant, her face was expressionless. She didn't meet his gaze, just stared blankly into space, making him feel very ill at ease and slightly unwelcome.

"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you… I just wanted to make sure you were OK." He said, after several agonizing moments of silence, rubbing his hands on his thighs as he stood, grabbing his jacket.

He'd made it 6 steps when her voice stopped him. It wasn't even the words that she spoke, in was the tone in which they were spoken that stopped him. Her voice was flat and low, devoid of emotion.

"I left them. They shunned me for it. I haven't spoken to them or seen them since I left. I never wanted to see them again, and I'm pretty sure they felt the same way, maybe even moreso than I did. I blamed them… For so long, I blamed them… For taking me away from my family, for changing me, for making me miss saying goodbye to my mother… It took me years to realize that it wasn't them… It was me. It was my fault. I chose to leave, I chose to join them, I chose to change, I chose that life. And I was making peace with that. I really was. I was making peace because I know my mother loved me and wouldn't want me to punish myself, she'd want me to be happy. And I was. But seeing them again… All those emotions… Feelings, they all came to the surface." She finished. Her voice broken and despondent.

As she'd been speaking, he'd moved back to the chair and was now seated, listening to her words, her explanation.

She was silent now, the explanation seeming to take up the little energy she had left. He watched as she lowered her head slightly, and a moment later, a single tear sliding down her face.

At the sight of the tear, he abandoned the idea of space and moved to her side, putting an arm around her and tugging her to him.

He expected her to resist, but she didn't. Instead, she collapsed into him, letting the tears fall, holding onto his shirt for dear life.

He pulled her tighter to him, stroking his hand through her hair, whispering in her ear, soothing her.

Of all the thing she expected to feel when he took her in his arms, relief was the last one she expected. But yet, that's exactly what she felt as she let herself go.

"It's OK, just let it out." He whispered in her ear, his voice gravely and low and incredibly comforting.

She felt the relief course through her as she did exactly that.

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	6. Toxic Tears & Timing

FIRST: GO CHECK OUT MY PROFILE!! TOTALLY REVAMPED!!

SECOND: THE STORY IS MINE BUT THE PEOPLE AREN'T. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. I'M SAVING FOR A PUPPY.

Joley Suicide

Chapter 6: Toxic Tears and Timing

After spending several long minutes in Danny's arms, letting her emotions take the reins, she finally pulled herself back together.

Reluctantly, she sat back, extracting herself from his embrace. She blushed at the tear stains she'd left on his shirt.

"What?" He asked, noticing her obvious embarrassment.

"Your shirt." She replied, reaching out and running her hand over the wet spots.

_Don't… Montana, just… No… Not now…_ He willed her hands to stop their exploration, and by some miraculous feat, they did. She pulled them back to herself.

"It's just a shirt. And it's not like you have toxic tears or anything." He joked, patting her arm, leaning back on the sofa with her.

She giggled at that. He felt his insides warm at the sound of her laughter.

"Good to hear that, I was worried you'd forgotten how to laugh." He kidded, chuckling a bit.

"No, haven't forgotten, just temporarily misplaced the ability." She corrected, now very aware of the fact that they weren't but a few inches apart.

Neither was making eye contact, both were staring straight ahead, each trying to figure out what exactly to say next. They weren't touching but they were so close they might as well have been.

He could smell her shampoo he was so close. He glanced over at her. She looked so clean and young and innocent. God the things he wanted to do at that very moment.

She gulped, hoping he didn't hear the sound of her noisily swallowing. Her palms felt clammy and her stomach fluttered anxiously with butterflies. She felt like she was in high school all over again. She rubbed her hands on her pants, trying desperately to get a hold of herself.

"You too?" He asked, startling her out of her silence.

She glanced over at him, only to see him trying to rid the sweat from his palms.

"You make me nervous." She admitted, without evening giving thought to the words. _Wait… No, please tell me I didn't just say that. I hope that was just another one of my thoughts… No, I don't think-_

"You make me nervous too."

_Damn it._ "I… I didn't meant to say that." She stuttered out, now completely unable to look him in the eye.

"So… I don't make you nervous? Because you sure do a number on me…" He teased, obviously trying to bait her now.

She couldn't keep the small grin off her face. "I make you nervous? I don't know if I believe that…." She said, a slightly disbelieving tone evident in her voice.

"You don't believe me? Woman, you make me sweat every time you're near me. And whenever you stand next to me, I can smell you, and it drives me up the wall. I can smell your hair, your perfume, sometimes even the detergent you use. Do you have any idea how weird it is that I smell you? And that I enjoy it?" He demanded.

She laughed. "You like smelling me… That's a little out here." She teased him.

"So sue me. Smelling you is the closest I come to you…" He muttered, blushing at her teasing statement.

Her expression shifted a bit. _The closest he gets to me… Does that mean he wants to come closer?_

He seemed to be reading her thoughts because he reached over and lightly slid his hand down her arm, coming to rest on top of hers.

"Please, just don't pull away. Hear me out." He told her, his voice gentle and soothing.

"I realize this may not be the best time to be saying this, but well… I like you Linds. And I think you like me too. But if you don't want it, that's cool. But I can't keep standing on the sidelines, trying to read your signals. So I'm going to send you one." He went on.

And without any hesitation or preamble, he leaned over, cupped her face with right hand and drew her to him. He placed a searing kiss on her lips, felt himself falling into the feeling of having his body up against hers. The tips of his fingers were buried in her hair. God it felt good to kiss her. This was what he needed, this was he wanted her to feel.

After several moments, he reluctantly pulled away. He held her gaze, keeping his hand on my face.

"You get that signal?" He asked, his voice low and soft, the very sound of it sent shivers down her spine.

"Loud and clear." She whispered.

"Good."

With that, he stood, grabbed his coat and headed to the door.

"Think about it Monroe." He called as he shut the door.

Thoughts? Comments? Cash? A puppy?


	7. Should Have Said No

Joley Suicide

Chapter 7: Should Have Said No

_Think about it??! THINK ABOUT IT!!? Good lord, it's all I'm going to think about! _She ran her fingers over her lips, still feeling the warmth from Danny's lips… God he tasted good.

She shook her head, trying to clear the feeling from her mind. But she kept replaying the conversation over and over in her mind, feeling like she wasn't even control of it.

He'd opened up, made a move. The ball was in her court now. _ God, I just don't know if I'm ready for this right now…_ She hated to think that way, especially given that last conversation… And that kiss.

After another hour on the couch watching mindless TV and trying hard not to think about Danny, she finally pulled herself off the couch and dragged herself to bed.

_I'm just not going to think about it right now. I can't do anything at the moment… I'll deal with this once this case is closed._

She maintained that attitude through the remainder of the work week, deciding the best course of action would be to wait until they solved the case, then she could talk it out with Danny. That felt like the better option, given her heavy involvement with the girls and subsequently, the case.

It had been 3 days since Danny had sent her his 'signal' and she hadn't been anything except polite and professional. The case was getting to her, that much was obvious.

He watched her vacate the AV room after speaking with the vic's mother. She was obviously upset.

He'd thought about approaching her, but reined the urge in, reminding himself that he'd gone out there on that limb, he'd made the gesture. He had to wait for her now.

He was skimming over the file as he headed towards the office. One of the girls, whichever one, he couldn't remember, grabbed his arm, asking him if he wanted to go for drinks later.

He gazed up at her. _I could use a drink… What's the harm? Nothing's going to happen._ But deep down in his gut, there was something about it that just didn't exactly feel right, like he shouldn't be doing this. But he shrugged it off and gave her a nod, giving her an address and agreeing to meet her when his shift was over.

_I should have said no._ He realized 2 hours later. He'd picked some dive a little ways away from work, not wanting to get in trouble for mingling with people involved in cases. They were seated at the bar, she was practically hanging on him. He still couldn't remember her name, but that was OK, she'd been calling him Davy for the past hour, so he figured they were even.

She was fun. Certainly not his type, but fun. She was all over him though, and with every beer, his resistance got a little quieter. He tipped his beer to his lips and felt a pair of lips suck his earlobe into her mouth. _Oh, this is bad… So bad…_

"Hey Flack, you seen Danny?" Lindsay asked, stepping up to Flack, who she found 10 minutes after she'd stepped into Marty's, the bar commonly frequented by CSI's and cops alike.

Flack shook his head. "Might try the 64th street bar. He hangs out there sometimes." He told her.

"Thanks." She replied, turning to leave, a hand on her arm stopped her.

"A word of warning. When he goes there it's because he wants to hide and well, he generally doesn't want to be found." Flack warned her, his face serious.

She found her way to the bar fairly quickly. She crossed the street, grabbed the door handle and stepped in.

She got no more than two steps when she found one of the Suicide Girls draped over Danny, her tongue in his ear. He had one arm around her tiny waist and his head was close to hers.

_I should have listened to Flack._ She was standing in the doorway of the hole in the wall bar, watching one of her former sisters hit on Danny Messer.

_So this is what Flack meant about not wanting to be found._

Danny chose that moment to notice the new patron of the bar. His eyes went wide. He detangled himself from his drinking partner and jumped off his stool, throwing 30 bucks down and hurrying to her.

_No… We aren't doing this. Not now, not ever._ Turning on her heel, she hurried out of the bar, reminding herself that she shouldn't cry, she couldn't cry… She wouldn't cry.

OK so there you go. Thoughts?


	8. Making it Right

Joley Suicide

Chapter 8: Making It Right

By the time Danny got out the door, she'd vanished into thin air. "Damn it!" He exclaimed to no one.

He jogged over to his truck, started it up and headed to her building.

15 minutes later he arrived at her apartment building. He ran up the stairs and banged on her door.

No response. She wasn't home. He snatched his phone off his belt and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail.

He sighed loudly and headed back down the stairs. _Way to go Messer. You really screwed this up._

He waited another hour before finally giving up. He'd just have to wait and talk to her in the morning.

He got to work early in hopes of pulling her aside and talking it out. But she didn't show up early.

She didn't show up at all, in fact.

By 11 am she still hadn't shown up and no one seemed too concerned.

Finally Danny's curiosity got the better of him and he found himself heading to Mac's office to find out where she was.

He knocked on the glass door. Mac looked up and waved him in.

"What can I do for you Danny?" Mac questioned as his young employee stepped through the door.

"Have you heard from Lindsay today? She hasn't shown up and I figured you'd know." Danny finished, lightly rocking back and forth on his heels.

Mac didn't even hesitate to answer. "She had a doctor's appointment. She asked off for it awhile ago, I'm surprised she didn't mention you earlier." Mac replied, glancing at the young man.

"Yeah, who knows. She probably forgot. No big deal. Thanks Mac." Danny replied as he turned and headed out.

He got back to their shared office and headed straight for her desk.

He pushed her chair out of the way and ran his finger down the calendar and found the date.

Removal. Dr. Davinson. 10 am.

_Removal???_ "The tattoo!" He exclaimed softly. She was getting the tattoo on her wrist removed.

He hurried back to his desk and grabbed his stuff. "I'm taking an early lunch break. I gotta run out." He told Stella as he passed by her. She nodded to his retreating back, knowing he wouldn't stop to wait for her approval.

She turned to watch him leave. "That boy…" She muttered under her breath as she headed off to her own office.

He hurried into the CVS pharmacy around the corner. He grabbed a basket and filled it.

He bought gauze, antibacterial soap, ointment, ice packs, ibuprofen and a card. He grabbed a box of chocolate covered pretzels on the way to the check out as well. He was heading towards the lab when he spotted a flower stand.

He grabbed a handful of daisies and paid for them, shoving 10 bucks at the man before flipping open his phone and calling the courier service the lab usually used.

He scheduled the pick up and stopped in the lobby of the lab and filled out the card. A few minutes the messenger had picked up his package and was off to Lindsay's.

Danny headed back upstairs feeling apprehensive about his actions. He really wanted to make this up to her and he hoped she would let him.

Lindsay got back to her apartment by 11 am. The treatment had been painful but luckily Dr. Davinson appeared to have gotten it all in one session, mostly due to the small size of it.

Her wrist was now bandaged and wrapped. She knew it wasn't that big of a deal but getting them removed was always painful and she always felt tired after she had one removed. This time was no different.

She'd been home about 45 minutes when there was a knock on the door. She'd been laying on the couch, trying not to think about the stinging pain in her wrist. She stood and quickly made her way to the door, throwing it open.

A messenger handed her a bag and the flowers. She signed and closed the door. She was more than curious, mostly because no one knew she was doing this.

She inhaled the scent of the daisies before placing them in a vase. Then she peered into the bag. She pulled out all the little gifts, finding the card last. She flipped it open and began to read.

Linds-

I hope I'm not crossing the line by sending this stuff, but Mac told me you had a doctor's appointment and it said "removal" on your calendar so I just put two and two together.

I'm sorry for last night. It was a bad idea all around. If I could do it over, I would. But I'd do it with you instead of her. I like you Linds and I don't want to do anything to mess that up. But I know life's hard for you right now, so if all you want is t be friends, I'm Ok with that, as long as I get to be around you.

Call if you need anything.

Danny

She felt a zing of happiness run through her body. Maybe he wasn't the dumb asshole that she'd pegged him for.

She didn't hesitate in pulling her phone out and texting him.

_The flowers are beautiful. It was very sweet of you. Thank you._

She barely felt anything after that.

REVIEW


	9. Resolutions and Dinner

Joley Suicide

Chapter 9: Resolutions and Dinner

Lindsay had fallen asleep soon after she'd sent the text to Danny. There was a sharp knock on her door that jerked her from her sleep.

She sat up and squinted at the clock on her wall. It was 6:30. She stood and padded to the door, one hand in her hair, scratching absently at the back of her head.

She threw open the door, yawning as she did so.

"What a greeting." A thick accent greeted her.

"Danny! What are you doing here?" She asked, shocked that he'd stopped by.

He shrugged. "I was in the neighborhood. How's the wrist?" He questioned as walked in, not waiting for an invitation.

"Tattoo free as of this morning." She reported as she followed him into her living room.

"Hurt?" He asked as he sat down on her couch, patting the cushion next to him.

"Always. But I'm OK." She told him as she sat next to him.

"Can I ask you a question?" He questioned after a few moments.

She nodded her permission.

"How is it that we've already had all this drama and we aren't even together?"

She turned her chocolate brown eyes on him and smiled ruefully. "I don't know Danny, has it really been that much drama?" She teased.

"I don't normally do drama Monroe, so yeah… It's been that much drama." He replied.

"If you don't do drama, why'd you do it this time?" She questioned, cocking her head.

"That's a good question Montana. And if I had an answer, I'd be happy to share it with you." He confessed.

She nodded, not entirely sure where this conversation was headed but she didn't like it.

"What… What are you saying Danny?" She asked after several quiet minutes.

He turned to look at her, finding a hint of fear in both her eyes and her voice.

"Relax Montana. I think it just means that I like you." He said, smiling at her.

She gave a visible sigh of relief.

"I think I can deal with that." She replied, slipping her hand into his.

His eyes visibly widened at both the verbal and non verbal signals she was sending him.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He asked, inching a little closer to her.

She cocked her head at him. "Well, I guess that depends on what you think I'm saying…" She shot back, more than enjoying the bevy of reactions crossing his face at the moment.

"Woman… Toying with me isn't going to work…" He warned, his face mere centimeters away from her.

"Danny…..?" She trailed off.

"Montana?" He returned, his breath hitting her face.

"Wanna take me to dinner?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"More than anything." He replied, a smile gracing his face now.

"More than anything huh?" She teased, giving him a disbelieving look.

"Well, besides this." He hoarsely whispered and without another word, leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips.

OK so that's it for this story kiddies. I know it wasn't the longest, but I liked this story, it was a lot less angsty than my others (at least I think so) and to go further, I'd have had to add more drama and I didn't want to drag it out. Check out the others!!


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